Old School Jumpoff!

Hey errybody out there in this vast web of witty blogs and wannabe comedians.

I just need to let yall know that I'm blogspot's MVP and I ain't goin nowhere so you can get to know me. Nah I'm just playin with yall. But I do hope that you all will bookmark this site and follow me on my journey.

I'ma start off my blog with a reworking of a post I had on my old blog back in July of this year while I was holdin down a job workin for The Man up in Washington D.C.

It details how I (through much nosin' and detective work; Scooby Doo style) found out my father was havin a sordid affair with one of his co-workers (cheatin on my manly ass Serena/Venus lookin' stepmother with whom he has 2 kids). And then how I react when the triflin' bitch has the nerve to approach me on my job!

'Cause I Creep
Warning: This Is Long, But Shit, It's Worth A Read.
I usually refrain from posting at work but this ish is an emergency. I am so thrown! Let me fill the new people in on the backstory.
Last summer I was up here in Virginia stayin' with my (re-married with kids) father as usual. Whenever we were in the car together, I would hear him on the phone with this woman. They were always on the motha fuckin phone and I would hear her singing to him and callin' her "baby" and such. As yall know, I am a detective in my spare time aka I'm nosy as hell. So I sneak a peek at his phone while he's talking to the broad. The phone display says "Brian".
That sneaky mother fucker.
The phone display also shows "Brian's" number so I slyly add the number into my phonebook for future reference. Later on that day, I blocked my number and dialed. "Hello, you have reached the voicemail of Wendy ____, please leave a message I'll get back to you. Oh by the way, I suck more dick than Supahead on a good day." OK not that little last part. So I managed to garner her first and last name.
That night I decided to research the mistress and via my sources I discovered exactly who she was. She was a young, beautiful real estate lady who worked in the same building that me and my father worked in. I was furious. Mind you, I barely like my manly stepmother (here is her likeness http://imdb.com/gallery/ss/0250425/2?path=gallery&path_key=0250425&seq=8) But I got mad because his unfaithfulness is what ended his relationship with my mom. Nobody fucks with my mom, I'll cut a bitch.
Here is a picture of my dad's mistress.

I first got a look at her from far away when I attended a military anniversary party and she sang (horribly) the National Anthem. She sang that to my father on the phone.
Anyways all of that longass backstory was to bring us to this point:
As I was browsing the internets happily as I usually do, I felt some kind of prescence behind me. I looked to the side and I saw someone had slowed down in passing my cubicle instead of walking by all fast-like as everyone usually does. Eventually she kept passing and decided to strike up a conversation with Pamela IWishIWas16Again.
"Hello, I'm Wendy ___"
Me (thinking): What is this hooker doing in my office?
I ever so slyly left my cubicle acting like I was in search of something.
Me: Hi.
Wendy: (amazed) You're Charles X.

I got a good look at her. She was beautiful. Long black hair, perfect body, pretty face, pleasant demeanor. If I wasn't so infatuated with the cock, I'd do her.

Me: Do I know you?
Wendy: Uh...no, I just saw your name outside your cubicle and-
Me: Do you know my father?
Wendy: I know a Charles Hamilton. Does your father work here?

Bla bla bla we went through a whole charade and eventually established we were talking about the same man.

Wendy: Oh wow....I didn't know he....Wow.
Charles: Yeah. I have some work to do.

I went to go talk to one of my at-work-friends Wendy Jackson (this 40 year old lady with twins who she dumbly named Tia & Tamara. WTF! Poor chilluns.) Upon returning to my cubicle, I felt the prescence again.

Wendy: Do you know where your father is?
Me: (sweetly and charmingly as usual) No, he's in St. Louis for a Kappa Convention and won't be back 'til Monday. Do you need him for anything?

We proceeded to make small talk about me going to college and how handsome I am and how young I look and how I live in Texas with my mom and how she works down the hall.
Basically, we established that my existence was a surprise to her and that her existence was of no great surprise to me.

Wendy: Oh....no. (all beautiful and charming as well) Well it was nice meeting you.

I just researched her again and discovered there is a blog made about her. This site posted her whole name and phone number! Someone (perhaps my stepmother?) is a mad black woman! And they are makin a dayum diary! Step aside, Madea. Here's an excerpt:

For A Good Time
This site is dedicated to a woman who does not respect the institution of marriage. Although I would love comments I am unable to post any information other than what I have. This is first hand information therefore it is not slander. Always beware of the scorned wife!
Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Chases married men.
WENDY ***** (850) 321-****

Jerry Springer Moral of the Day:
In summary, hoes, sluts, whores, and hoodrats alike. Be careful. Your misgivings can have you put out there on the internets for ya mammy to see just like my father's mistress' did. And that's real.