Charles X's Spring Break Part One

OMG, why did Trent Jackson call me at midnight for his Friday Finale...I was so thrown off guard! I had just returned from Mexico. I'm so delirious right now from this week's events and driving for about 12 hours straight.



Spring Break...A Religious Experience Begins

Sunday I went to a concert that was being held at my old church's new sanctuary. They are getting as big as TD Jakes or some shit...I don't like it. Anyways, my mom is a church VIP now apparently and so we were sitting in the VIP section with Pastor Brown as Fred Hammond and Yolanda Adams performed. I left though, because Yolanda was boring and I wanted to get on the road.

After driving, bawling to the cast recording of The Color Purple: The Musical, and singing Rent for four hours, I arrived in the hick-town of La Grange, Texas where I stayed the night with my friend Lisa. The next morning, Lisa, two of her friends from high school (Shelly & Chris), and I embarked on our fun-filled six hour trek down to South Padre Island.

Road Trip

I made a gay mix CD which was patterned brilliantly alternating between a 90s pop hit and a 90s Disney masterpiece. What could be better for a car full of fags and fag hags to sing to on a road trip to Mexico? It's unfortunate that the second CD I made broke the CD player, leaving us to listen to tejano and country. Good thing we got the whole Rent soundtrack in before the CD player decided to kick the bucket.

Finally, after much long suffering we crossed the bridge to sunny South Padre Island where Cody greeted us and took us to his third story condo overlooking the beach. After dropping off our stuff, we quickly met some of Cody's high school friends.

Guilt

For some reason, being in the prescence of Cody's rich condo-on-the-beach-owning friends made me feel an extreme sense of guilt. I felt dirty and I wanted to jump off their balcony and baptize myself in the purity of the ocean.

I felt like I was on the OC or Laguna Beach and anyone on those shows should be shot.I tried to think of something - anything- else but nothing came. I kept thinking of Celie from the Color Purple...I had just listened to the soundtrack...and then it came to me. I felt so blessed and fortunate to be able to have such a great vacation, but that I didn't really deserve it. I'm lazy. I do whatever the fuck I want with little consequence. I wanted to give my fabulous vacation to someone else...someone who works hard. Someone deserving.

Howeeeeeeever, I was soon served alcohol and with alcohol came deliverance from evil.

Hot Tubs & Racism

So a big group of us wanted to get into the hot tub, but there were three white four year old boys and one twelve year old kid already in there. Someone came up with the brilliant idea of getting in the hot tub with them, so we did...um...bad idea.

They immediately started being obnoxious and began splashing the cold water into the hot tub.

Then to top it all off! I start talking to the little white boy civilly and he calls me CHOCOLATE BOY! I was like um....what?! He was like "chocolate boy! chocolate boy!" and splashing me with tremendous ammounts of water.

I'm going to end the post here, because I'm extremely tired and I need to call my friend and ask her what happened, because my memory has been affected by alcohol. Do not drink, people!

Up Next: how I met Jesus, how I almost drowned, how Mexicans attempted to electric shock me to death in a cocktail bar, and the drama that only spring break can bring!

Stay Tuned!