Headin' To The Ghetto. Let Us Pray

I'm headed off to the ghettos of Houston this morning to visit my crazy ass BLACK ass family. There is always some messy drama goin' on when I go down there. I will be sure to update you all ASAP. Let's hope Bigmama's internet bill got paid this month. LAWD!

The Fam:

Great Bigmama: She is like 150 years old and makes no got damn sense. She has Alzheimer's and loves to tell me about these animals named petty pettys that are going to escape the zoo and kill me and my cousins. Moving on...

Bigmama: Stank ass hyponchrondiac and messier than Wendy Williams! Never keepin a story straight. And tell me why she calls my dorm phone at all times of the mornin'! If I was gonna be up early, I'd actually go to class!

Uncle Roscoe: Bigmama's brother. Used to be an alcoholic, lookin like a cracked out Bug's Life character, now he is a pastor. Hallelujah!

Aunt G: "Former" lesbian. Bigmama and Roscoe's older sister. She raised my mother and my aunt. Used to be in the military and live in Cali, she is now stuck in Houston taking care of her ailing mother (Great Bigmama) and working at the post office. I love her!

My Mom: Bigmama's daughter. The one who got out of the ghetto, went to college, and did her thing. Beautiful and fierce! I can tell she likes Aunt G better than her own mom.

Denise: My mom's sister. The youngest of three sisters. A HOT GHETTO MESS! Never takin' care of her kids, always tryna throw them in jail, always fuckin' someone random. Always cuttin' niggas and windin' up in jail. Let me stop, this could get long.

Keindra: My cousin. Denise's daughter. My mom's god daughter. She's a basketball star and is now a college freshman. Also a playerlistic lesbian. She's hilarious and quick-witted while still being so damn ghetto. My favorite cousin. I looooooove her.

Sharackashay Laraidyrenea: Yes! That is her name! She is like 13 and Denise just threw her in jail for doin' somethin or other. I'll have to get the low down while I'm in Houston.

Aunt Stephanie: My mom's older sister. She is basically irrelevant since she lives in Ohio and stays away from the mess. But she has some mess of her own, basically leaving my mom as the only "perfect" one. Oops- no wait- her son is a fag!

Me: Seen as the perfect one of the new generation. Good grades, charming demeanor, award-winner, creative, bright future, yada yada yada. The "white" one of the family.

Keindra and Denise don't speak. Some things happened between them, almost landing Keindra in prison and causing her to not be able to go to college. My mom put an end to that bullshit with a quickness. I am not lookin' forward to this dramaful holiday, but I am lookin' forward to goin' to the club with my cousin!

Sidenote: Someone I fantasized about for six years just came out to me. This boy was on the football team and was on the top of everyone's wish list. He is sexxxxxxy! Yall dont even understand. And he wants to get jiggy! Um.......I need to sit down. I'm in a state of shock.

Catch yall when I can.