Do I Need To Suck Some Dick?

Part 3 of The Week From Hell & The Grammy's

Do I need to suck some dick?Take some drugs? Shoot someone? Pray? I need to do somethin. Shit, I have been in a stank blue crusty funk this whole week and nobody (friends, blog associates, and others) is really appreciatin' my funktitude. I am a miserable mess filled with fear, regret, loathing, and jealousy! Lawd, deliver me from all these destructive emotions. I HATE BEING GAY SOMETIMES- all this sensitve shit! I've been sitting up in my room being anti-social like Beyonce did after the first DC breakup, and I don't have the light skin nor weave to make it look good.

From the decline in comments (statcounter says my readership is the same), I can gather that everyone is bored of my teenage angst and wants me to return to niggerish buffoonery. Forget yall then! lol, I will discuss my issues once more on this post and be done.

If you are a selfish queen and don't appreciate my life, then skip Resolution Confusion and go onto the next section of the post. I'll still love you anyway! Not really.

Resolution Confusion

A quick summary for those new to the situation: I quickly fell head over heels for a boy named Daniel and told all my friends about him, introduced him to everyone, then my friend Cody fell for him too, Daniel asked Cody out, Cody said yes, I got mad, Cody was conflicted, Daniel found out and we worked it out.

So day before yesterday, Cody (Friend-Who-Was-Gon-Get-Cut-Except-Not-Really) and I met up at a coffeeshop to discuss our issues. He looked really nervous like I was really about to "cut a bitch", so I'm sure he was surprised by my pleasant demeanor. I told him that it would be selfish of me to tell him not to date Daniel (Crush- sorry if this is confusing, but I'm throwing away the silly code names and just bein' real) just because I "saw him first". He told me that it was never his intention to hurt me, and that he didn't plan on liking Daniel. He said "I know that it's bros before ho's- not that he's a ho- and it's not worth it to me if it's going to make things awkward between us like it was last night". I told him I understood and that we were cool. He asked if I was sure, and I assured him we were cool. We hugged and he left for his date.

For a brief moment, I felt like I had put that whole situation to rest and I was gonna be cool with Cody and Daniel dating. I felt so mature to have said those things and handled that situation in a non-You-Stole-My-Man way. Those feelings quickly dissipated like the smoke that was choking me in the cramped coffeeshop. I knew everything I said was bullshit and that I would really never be OK with them going out. I knew that I would always be afflicted with jealousy every time I browsed facebook and saw them posting on each other's walls, or every time they even looked at each other. I hate feeling like I'm being melodramatic, and I did try to supress all these stupid emotions, but it didn't work.

My true feelings were clear as soon as he walked out the door: that I now loathed Cody because of issues that had little to do with Cody or Daniel... the old feeling that I'm not good enough for anyone to like or love or want to keep around for anything other than a Oh-Charles-Is-SO-Funny moment. In my brief eighteen years, I've watched every person I like go out with someone else, usually a friend of mine. This is painful to type and put out there, because as I've said earlier I hate to show too many emotions like this and be seen as a drama queen, but here it is.

So after that brief moment, I knew I had lied. I cursed him in my head, thinking "you should have said no, because you're my friend" Ooooooh the conflict. And I even hesitate posting this, because I know basically everyone is going to read it/hear about it.

I'm gone through all the emotions, now I'm just stuck on jealousy.

Lisa: So did you cut a bitch?
Me: No, no I didn't cut a bitch. I didn't even toothpick a bitch. No... I have a bitch a lollipop. A fuckin' Blow Pop.

(Note to Real Lifers: If you're reading this, just read it. Don't discuss it. I want my thoughts to stay on here, and I don't want real life situations to be affected my internet situations. Thank you.)

The Granny's

I still haven't talked to my father...Lord... I am going to e-mail him today and see what happens. Hopefully the e-mail will reach him before he shows up here with a knife.

Who watched The Grammy's? Um... what the fuck was Mary J Blige screamin' about? I did not like that.

Why did Stevie Wonder ruin his own song? And with Alicia Dykeys of all people? He needs to pair up with his other admirer India.Arie and do some business, because, well he is just not what he used to be!

WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS CIARA DOIN UP THERE THINKIN SHE WAS SINGIN'? She was talk-ing. Straight up talking. It bothers me so much when they throw these non-singin/talkin' bitches on stage during "You-Betta-SANG" time. This tribute to Sly Stone was a definite "You-Betta-SANG" moment and they send Uncle Ciara? She should one-two stepped herself off the stage before the Sandman comes (RIP!).

That was interesting with Jay-Z and Linkin Park... especially when Paul McCartney came out...but I could not appreciate Jay-Z's useless talking throughout that portion of the performance. He reminded me of the Floecist of Floetry who just talks too damn much throughout the song for no reason.

Mariah was Mariah Scary during We Belong Together. First of all, that song is as played out as... We Belong Together (there was no analogy to use, it's just THAT played out). Plus she skipped the best part ("You got me all up out my element, throwin things, cryin, tryin..."). But she did great on the second song, especially with that choir backin' her up. I really liked that song. She just needs to get her hand movements under control. Sometimes she acts like she has down syndrome and needs some assistance.

WHY DOES MY ROOM MATE SOUND LIKE HE IS SUCKIN' DICK IN HIS SLEEP? All these noises he keeps makin'.......ew. It's not hot. That's why I need to be asleep at the same time as him. But I'm so nocturnal I can never sleep. Back to the Grammy's, though...

Who else was on? Oh yeah, Madonna was exciting to see up there at first, especially because it heralded the end of that awkward Gorillaz performance. But then "Hung Up" got too repetive and she looked too ridiculous as a 70 year old woman with a leotard on that she stole from Britney's little sister at Kaballah camp. Especially with all those young people around her. Then they tried to crump and it all just looked bad. It was still nice to see her non-singin' ass though.

Kelly Clarkson was pleasing to my hears and I was glad to see her win some thangs. I always liked her. She is a real humble and resilient spirit with whom I can relate and come to root for. Plus, all her songs are on point.

Joss Stone was doin' a little TOO much when she performed with John Legend. She was about to make him unlease the drag queen within! Showin him up like that. I mean, OK sing, white girl, but don't do too much.

Kanye Kanye Kanye! I hate him so much! But his performance was very very very on point from beginning to end. He didn't utilize Jamie as much as he should have, but what do you expect from Chipmunk? Loved the opening marching band Drumline thang, then the choreagraphy on stage, then the comedic break, the costume change, and the flashy lights. Very nice.

But Kanye had to be a nigger... an ungrateful pompous nigger...and make that obnoxious Thank You List that he had already printed out. Did yall hear the angry silence of the audience? They did not think that shit was cute, and neither did I. Boooooooooo!

Now let me tell you what I am mad at! During the pre-Grammy show on MTV, Herbie Hancock said that Christina now owned "A Song For You" after recording the song with him, because she sang THAT good. Now I've heard the track and even if I didn't, I would know that NO ONE CAN BEAT DONNY HATHAWAY! NOT EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! Christina is a good singer, but Donny's voice could squish her little slutty ass with one single "I've been so many places in my life and time"! Christina's performance on Herbie's CD was good, but live on the Grammy's....HELL-TO-THE-NAW! She added way too many Christina-isms onto that classic song with her constant "whoa-WHOA-whoa-WHOA-OW!" to his dark, passionate song. She fucked it all up. Next!

So many shitty people and albums were nominated. Ciara nominated for Best New Artist? Go somewhere! Arcade Fire lost as Best Alternative Album? That's out of control. (My blog is named after The Arcade Fire's brilliant song "Rebellion Lies")

Neil Young lost to U2? Mess tonight. But it was one of the best award shows I've seen in a long time, so congrats on that to the Grammy's.

A Change In Direction

I've been behind the scenes/camera lately, but I'm starting to miss the spotlight. I think I may have to restart my theater career again. After I get my show completed more, of course. Hmm...