My Body Aches

My mind's tellin me noooooooooo! But my BODY!! My body's tellin me.... well my body's tellin me no too. My body hurts, yall. First I'll talk about my classes.

Mission 4.0 is going nicely! It was so hard to get out of the bed this morning, I "fought to the deff" (as Flavor of Love's New York would put it) to wake up and I did. So I get up and went to my first class of the semester, Health Psychology. The professor is gay. I can feel it! He's real cool, the class will be some work but I already started on it today. Be proud!

My second class was Human Sexuality and YES! That is my new favorite class of all time. This ish is going to be exciting. The professor is this Asian dude who is not shy about sayin' any of the words. I love the way he says clitoris. I'm gonna name my first dog Clitoris. He has kind of a mix of an Asian accent and a British accent. It's real cute. Because the class is full to the brim (and people try to sneak into that class for a listen) with 500 students, we had to have assigned seating in the first seat we sat in, so I sat next to my crazyass lesbian friend Shady Katie. I don't know though, she might distract me with her crazy whiteness. Probably not, because the professor is engaging. BUT TELL ME WHY the famously annoying gay guy of the school is in there and he tried to talk to me in there. And then he just HAD to raise his hand and say something gay. He always has to make everything about gays and how they are persecuted. Yes it's a fact of life but damn. Sit down! And there are a lot of black people also actin a fool in there, laughin every time he says "penis swelling" or some shit like that. Two lil white girls kept talking and the professor called them OUT. Tole em off real quick-like and sharp.

American Idol Goes To Houston's Third Ward Ghetto

So anyways, did yall see me on American Idol?


Ryan Seacrest: .... but would Charles X have what it takes to woo the judges and get a ticket to Hollywood?

*Charles X approaches the judges*

Me: Hi Paula, Simon, and Randy. How are you today?

Paula: We're doing-

Me: That's great.

Randy: Yo dawg! Whatchu gon be singin for us, dawg?

Me: I'll be singing Peabo Bryson's Feel The Fire.

Simon: Off you go.

Me: Somethin' that you told me stayed in my heeeeeeeeeead ALL night loang. You wanted me to loooooooooove you, Simon, when you said softly reach out and touch-

Simon: Thank you.

Me: But I wasn't done.

Paula: No one gets to finish a song.

Me: *eye twitchin* What the fuck did you say?

Paula: I said- I-

Randy: Yo, dawg, calm down. Simon, yes or no?

Simon: That was ob-so-loot-lee GHASTLY! Teh-rubble.

Paula: I'm sorry, it's a no.

Randy: Sorry dawg. You're not going to Hollywood.

Me: *eye twitchin out of control* Not... going to Hollywood. NOT GOING TO HOLLYWOOD?YALL ARE JUST MAD BECAUSE MY FRIENDS SAY I LOOK LIKE BEYONCE!

Simon: You luhk like Steve Uh-ehl.

*Charles X starts randomly shootin niggas up*

Let me never go on that show.

I Do Yoga And Pilates And You Know I'm Satisfied

So today I was reunited with my favorite people of UNT Rachel, Cody, Lisa, & Blair. Did I forget someone? I don't think I did. Anyways so they all admired my lip ring and ish. Over lunch we all decided to take advantage of the gym and do a yoga and pilates class. Cody and Blair wanna get rid of some laffy flabby and I want to tone my arms, chest, and stomach. I mean those areas are to my satisfaction but this year is all about improvement even in areas that are already good. So! We were late for yoga & pilates so we did a step class. You know, that Denise Austin/Richard Simmons late 80s/early 90s steppin-on-a-piece-of-styrofoam type shit. "Now step! and step! and turn! YOU CAN DO IT!"

So I was all full of energy, right? Was lookin' real cute in my exercising outfit and errything and checkin myself out in the mirror thinkin "damn! you don't need to be in here, you done took care of all the fat!" But. I soon discovered I was fat on the INSIDE!

As I stepped and stepped I was so into it. Full energy. Steppin like Ciara is right there singin' that song to me. By the time 8:30 rolled around I was through. I stood there while the instructor twirled and whirled and stepped and ho-tepped, but I was done. I stood there and evaluated how I was skinny on the outside but I had the health of a laffy-flabby mess.

SO! With the knowledge I've gained in Health Psych Chapter 1, the fine-ness of the mens in the gym, and the determination to kill the fat man living inside of me I have determined myself to become a slave to my college's high-tech gym and all the classes it has to offer. But right now I'm STIFF.