NEWSFLASH: Lindsay's On Drugs!

THIS ALSO JUST IN: LINDSAY'S ALSO A SKINNY WHITE GIRL!BILL COSBY IS BLACK! AND PEOPLE CONSIDER ANGELINA JOLIE TO BE ATTRACTIVE!

Why are people actin' surprised? Bitch been lookin' like she parties with George Clinton for quite a minute. She went from a slightly curvacious pretty girl to a cracked out shadow of Paris Hilton (ugh). This is not surprising, people! Besides drugs, Lindsay says she was bulimic. The pale tone and the withering away of any meat her skinny ass had in the first place should have given that away.

Don't get me wrong. I like [red-headed] Lindsay. Not singing Lindsay, but acting Lindsay. Well, I did feel her song "Rumors", because sometimes I feel like that,but the rest of her songs are garbage.

Charles X, why are you giving this girl any shine?

Because sometimes I like these little poptarts. Maybe it's a gay thing, I don't know. As you all know, I have a cornucopia of likes and dislikes, and I do appreciate a stupid white girl from time to time. A rundown of the dominating stupid white girls in Hollywood.

Paris Hilton: No, I cannot stand her. What is the obsession with her? She can't fake-sing, dance, act, HELL even speak! Can someone explain it to me? She can't even make a decent sex tape...yes I watched it and she looked bored as hell. SHE PICKED UP THE PHONE DURING THE SEX! No no no...

Nicole Ritchie: She's a slight improvement from Paris, but not much better. Especially now that she's looking like a praying mantis (according to Clay Cane lol)

Hilary Duff: Fuckin' hate her. Yes, fuckin! She is so damn fake and stupid with them big-ass-TEEF! She looks fuckin' ridiculous as hell. I want her to die...a horrible...horrible death...let me stop.

Ashlee Simpson: I like her! I just lost 40 readers with that sentence, but whatever. LOL! She looked good with the black hair and the "scene" style...now she looks like all the rest. Her first CD is nostalgic for me, because me and my stupidass friends would always blast it in the car. The second CD is garbage as expected, but the first CD is good on a pop level. The SNL incident was so blown out of proportion...that shit has happened to all the rest of them.

Britney Spears: I LOVE YOU WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?! Why, bitch, are you all flabby and white trashy? I can't handle it. You cannot sing for shit, but you can dance your ass off and give a good performance. I'm mad at you, bitch...

That's all the people I can think of. Who'd I forget?

Jerry Springer Says: It's OK to be bulimic and it's also OK to be on drugs, unless you are in the public eye. Otherwise, the American public is forced to be bombarded with picture after picture of your ugly transformations. I want to masturbate to bitches with tight asses and perky breasts. With nicely shaped stomachs and some curves. I can't get my jack on with this skinny cracked out shit. Get it together!

Once again, Jerry, that was great.