Ghetto Soap Operas

Drama from the very minute we arrived. I decided to play sleep as Bigmama approached the Lexus. I was too tired to deal with the "HEEEY BAYBEH AW YOU AINT NOTHIN BUT SKIN AND BONES! YOU NEED SOME MEATS!" Nigga... if you dont get yo ole.... anyways...

I got to see my beautiful cousin Keindra who kept me laughin' as usual. Then she gave me the scoop on her little 13 year old sister Sherackashay Lareidyrenea's dissent into the confines of prison life. Perhaps it's safe to say it ALL started when her mother named her that.

OK, so, Sherackashay had a half day off of school, right. And so she went to her friend's house without tellin her mother Denise. So Sherackashay calls her mother and tells her to come pick her up and Denise is like "Oh Hell naw you aint ask me if you could go anywhere, I'm whoopin your ass all the way home!"

So Denise picks her up and proceeds to yell at her and "curse her out like I aint never cursed befo'!" Then Denise pops her daughter upside the head twice. Now, Denise has a history of hittin' her kids too damn much. So finally Sheracka snapped and WHOOPED HER MOTHER'S ASS! Givin' her not a BLACK eye... but a BLUE eye...now how is a black person gon' have a blue eye? That's how bad she got her ass whooped. LMAO!

Denise then directly drover her daughter to the police station and sent her own flesh and blood to jail! Hot ghetto mess.

Uncle Roscoe wasn't talkin' bout nothin. Great Bigmama was yellin' at people, screamin' at em to go away and "GET THE HELL OAN!" and smellin' like un-douched poodenda. I'm sorry, I know, I'm goin to hell for all of this. But... I just am writing what the hell happened. She was stankin'.

OK so we were chillin' at Aunt G's place, and I'm lookin' through all the new movies. Tell me why they already have Jarhead, Get Rich or Die Tryin, and In The Mix? That's so hood. The cover looked so fucked up and bootleg with the slogan "Come see what all the suck is about." Don't you mean "what all the fuss is about" ? Black people, we must do better. We must.

OK, so we watched the movie and it was aight. TELL ME WHY SOMEONE WENT WALKIN' THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE? And you could hear someone's phone vibratin the whole damn movie. If you wanna make a bootleg, do the shit right. Got damn.

I didn't even bother fuckin' with Get Rich or In the Mix. No no no.

Both me and my cousin Keindra are text messaging fools. So of course when we get together, we text our people, but we also text each other, talkin shit about everybody in the room.

"No Bigmama didn't just fart like that..."

"She shole did!"

Anyways, that night outside Bigmama's house, we heard a man yelling menacingly at the top of his lungs

"BITCH YOU DONT KNOW ME! YOU DONT FUCKIN KNOW ME! I WILL FUCK YOUR WORLD UP!"

Then some female started yelling back. My sadiddy stepdad couldn't take it. Later on, I heard some gunshots and an ambulance comin. Get me the hell up outta here ASAP.

The next day Bigmama decided to start the drama of the day.

Bigmama: Keindra got a new marking!

Damn! Bustin' her out like that.

Mom: A new marking? A tattoo?

Keindra got this new uglyass tattoo on the small of her back that says "Conceited" and it has some black-girl lookin eyes above it. I love you, cuz, but that tattoo is HAM-ish. We can do better.

The rest of the day was uneventful. We basically drove Bigmama around and my mom had to translate everything she said because it was far too hard to understand.

Sleeping on the way back home, I woke up to my parents high fiving each other on my mother coming out of all that drama as a healthy intelligent woman. Damn straight.

[Christmas]

I got my mother the Oprah's 20th Anniversary DVD.
Got my stepfather a jazz CD.
I didn't give anyone else shit, and don't ask for nothin' neither. Bitch.

I got some money, some DVDs, and some gift cards. Oh yeah, and a promised shopping spree from my best friend and my mother. My best friend Kia is comin' here tomorrow. I can't wait!

Next post will be about the Christmas drama that just went down...lawd this time *I'm* the mess. My mama is gonna WHOOP ME!